Ongoing Struggle

I have been given the freedom of agency to choose daily my decision to live righteously or not. Human I am, I have been given my thorn that I must keep until I go down and pluck it from inside of me. Torturose the feelings I have as I flex between the dangling fruits of pleasure and everlasting power of happiness. I am clouded by the carnal delights because of their instant gratifications, but wish I may have something more I taste once in awhile as I transcend into God's realm byway of church, prayer, or talking of spiritual ideas with another. This fork in the road is my fence which I have been stuck on for quite sometime and both powers of good and evil sway my opinions often to have me come to their side. Consequently I have suffered more than a rash, but a change in behovior due to my indecisiveness. I act wishwashy more than I would like to admit and exhibit a behavior thats not full of clarity or intent I wish to portray to others. I am really a kind person and that wishes to be God fearing, charitable, and morally clean to name a few. I have been presented with a huge challenge to hop of this fence in the way of God's side. The only problem is obtaining this momentum means depression, loss of friends, hardship, and much fatigue. My guessing is it will take three weeks for me to complete a partial transformation and a life time to renew, undress, redress with restored faith.